Hola a todos! So sorry that it has been literal WEEKS since I've sent out an email! Things have been crazy and I just got the most wild transfer news ever! I got transferred to Utah! I am doing a service mission now! After a lot of prayers, late night talks with my mission president, my companion, and the other sisters I served with, I decided that it would be best for me to transfer to a service mission. At first I was devastated when my mission president told me that it was time to start thinking about a service mission. I did not want to go home. I wanted to be able to make it to the end of the 18 months. I wanted to be able to prove to myself and to God that I could do it. It was probably the hardest decision that I ever had to make. After battling a lot of mental health challenges and a couple physical health problems, I wanted to believe that it was just something I could overcome on my own and that I wasn't trying hard enough. It got to the point where it just wasn't sustainable for me to stay out in California.
That's when I realized that I was just surviving at that point. I didn't even realize it, but I was trying so hard to just "stick it out to the end." I realized that missions aren't supposed to be that way though. Even though I was having a lot of happy times and made a lot of good memories, the responsibilities I had all just become too much for me. I wasn't experiencing the true joy that I deserved to experience. I didn't have a good relationship with myself and was too hard on myself. I realized that before I could help any of these other people to change their lives, I needed to change my own. I needed to change the way I thought. It took several people telling me this, but I needed to realize that I'm good enough. I had already tried my best and done all I could and Heavenly Father was pleased with what I had given Him in those 9 months I was in California. I didn't need to prove my worth to the One who made my worth. He never left me and He never will.
I'm doing a lot better than I was just a few weeks ago. It's been a weird transition to be living at home and still be a missionary. I am really grateful to be back though. Being with my family again has been such a blessing! I know that I am exactly where I need to be and I've never felt so at peace.
So I didn't know very much about service missions before the switch but they are honestly really cool! So I live in the Utah Layton mission and this mission is doing a new pilot program where as a service missionary, I get to be integrated into the mission with the 150 or however other many service missionaries there are in the area. We also have opportunities to go out teaching with proselyting missionaries along with our service. We still have leadership opportunities and missionary meetings with other proselyting missionaries as well! I get to choose which places I get to serve at and there are some really good options! So far, I've been serving at the Family Search up in Layton and I've really liked helping people with their family history work. Some other places I've been looking at are the temple as an ordinance worker, Catholic Community Services as someone who helps refugees and immigrants, and even the Church Office Building where I would get to help with publishing and other things. There are way more options and it's hard to choose. It's honestly so cool!!
Anyways some highlights from these past couple were:
-I got to go on a hike with my dad and my dog, Apollo
-I also have an iphone again and I got a car :)
-I also got to go on splits with a companionship of hermanas the other night and it was REALLY FUN! like we got ice cream out of it and then we got to sing for a counselor in their bishopric and now I'm giving a talk in their sacrament meeting haha
-I GOT TO GO TO GENERAL CONFERENCE IN PERSON!!!! I went with an hermana in my new district and we had such a good time!
I wanted to leave you all with a scripture that stuck with me as I've been going through this whole process and it's Matthew 11:28-30 and it says,
"28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
Sometimes we need to realize when too much is too much. That's why we have the Savior. We need to learn to lay our burdens and challenges at His feet. We find rest in Him when we stop worrying what other people think, when we stop comparing ourselves, when we trust in the plan He has for our lives, and when we let go of what we cannot control. When we learn of Him and when we follow His way, life becomes easier and we find that rest.
Anyways this email is reallyyyyy long but I hope that you are all doing well! Please email me if you need anything or just want to chat! I love and miss you all! I hope you all have a good week!
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